


The Wife, the Kids, the Home

by sharkcar



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebellion Era - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rebels, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Brotherhood, Caregiving, Caretaking, Clone Wars, Clones, Disability, Loyalty, Mental Health Issues, Post-Episode: s02e04 Relics of the Old Republic, Post-Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sacrifice, The Lost Commanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-09
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-10-01 15:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10193231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sharkcar/pseuds/sharkcar
Summary: When Rex announced his intention to leave with the rebels, Wolffe takes it harder than Rex thought."I glanced over at the clutch of strangers. They stood under the intact Imperial walker, to stay in the shade. They all looked uneasy. Kanan was looking impatient. I thought it was important that we not offend them, after Wolffe had called the Imperials on them. I mean, they didn’t know him. They didn’t know Wolffe and my history. They didn’t know why I couldn’t just walk away."





	

Wolffe stalked a little way away from the wrecked AT-TE, kicked at the cracked salty earth and swore.  
  
I emerged from the rear port of our former home. Behind me, the smoke was still rising from the front. Inside, Gregor was putzing around trying to salvage what possessions he could from the tank. He wasn’t really doing anything efficiently, flitting from one task to another. Still, he didn’t have to hurry, they had nothing but time.  
  
I slung my back pack over my shoulder and climbed down the ladder. I dropped the pack on the ground where it landed with more of a swoosh than a thud. Not much in it. A few weapons. My old helmet. A couple of personal items. Truthfully, the pack looked a little deflated. I guess I had carried around more during the war. More things had seemed important then.  
  
I took a deep breath and walked over to Wolffe.  
  
Wolffe kicked at the earth again. As I grew closer, I could hear a string of expletives cast against the stupid, white, nothing ground. Wolffe hated Seelos, he’d never made a secret of it. But despite the abuse he was handing it, the planet was not the real object of his ire today.  
  
I steeled myself for what I had to do. One thing we clones had learned with the old combat conditioning in the academy, was that when something was going to be unpleasant, there was no getting out of it. The only way to get past it was to grit your teeth and courage through. I sighed and stood my ground. No matter what he said, my mind was made up.  
  
I glanced over at the clutch of strangers. They stood under the intact Imperial walker, to stay in the shade. They all looked uneasy. Kanan was looking impatient. I thought it was important that we not offend them, after Wolffe had called the Imperials on them. I mean, they didn’t know him. They didn’t know Wolffe and my history. They didn’t know why I couldn’t just walk away.  
  
Wolffe amped up his tantrum. Honestly, I thought he was being a little childish. He was having his outburst, just to make sure I felt badly enough. I looked at Ahsoka’s friends again to make sure they weren’t just going to say to hell with this and leave me, too.  
  
Wolffe put his fist to his forehead and dropped it suddenly screaming swear words in dismay. He heard the crunch of my footsteps, coming up behind him. He looked at my boots, his face taught.  
  
“Go away,” He sat on the ground heavily, looking off across the empty horizon. He shifted on the ground and rested his arms on his knees. He squinted his eyes and looked petulant.  
  
I hadn’t expected him to take it so hard. “Wolffe, I can’t leave things like this.”  
  
“You obviously don’t care,” He was digging in his heels. “Why, Rex? What did I do? What did I ever do to you?”  
  
I took a deep breath. I had taken care of him and Gregor for sixteen years. If I was trying to punish him for something I would have done it already. “Wolffe, it’s not about you. I just can’t stay here forever. We only came here because the Empire was looking for us.”  
  
“Don’t tell me why I came here! I wasn’t afraid of the damned Empire. I wasn’t afraid of dying. I did what you said to do. You brought me out here to the end of nowhere, telling me to live, but for what? And now you tell me you’re leaving me alone here?”  
  
He made it sound like I’d deliberately stranded him. It wasn’t like that. I had stayed with him and Gregor all this time, I had never misled them. We had discussed what were our best options for the survival of our little batch. Staying alive was all we had ever focused on. All I’d ever focused on anyway.  
  
But Wolffe could be melodramatic and self-indulgent when he wanted to be. He had always had mood swings and been prone to depression and anxiety. He often did things that could be described as outlandish when he was feeling euphoric. Back in the army, he had always been medicated for his bi-polar tendencies, but it had been years since any of us had seen a doctor. His problems had only gotten worse.  
  
“We’ve all been trying to make the best of this. This wasn’t what I wanted. You think I wanted to be here on Seelos? It was just the safest place I could find for us. They were hunting us before, but I don’t think they’ll care now. I’m sure that ISB agent is going to report that we were wiped out rather than admit what we did to his equipment.” I couldn’t believe the incompetence. Three walkers! The ISB must have had some budget. “It’s a good thing, we know it’s safe now.”  
  
“No! You just don’t get it, do you? I’m not here for me. I’m not here to be safe, I don’t care about hiding, I never did.” He swatted at my arm.  
  
“Then what is the point of all this?”  
  
He jerked his hands for emphasis, “You know, you’ve always been selfish, thinking it was everyone’s pleasure to follow your orders. You think that they listen to you because you were always right. But we’re not just stupid children who need to be led. We choose to follow you because we have faith in you. When did you ever appreciate that? I would have been just as happy to stay on Coruscant and be a stupid Stormtrooper. Then at least I would have had some kind of life. Like we did during the war. Go off and fight. Come home and drink. Die whenever. At least I was happy with that, even if you weren’t.”  
  
“You don’t really feel that way. I know you don’t. If you’d stayed, you might have helped kill General Plo, I know you would never want to do that. And Wolffe, you don’t want to die, or else you never would have come to find me after the war.”  
  
“Exactly! I trusted you! I followed you!”  
  
“What’s the difference? What are you trying to say?”  
  
His face screwed up and his breath shuddered. “I didn’t come here for me, Rex. I don’t matter. I came to look out for you.”  
  
“Wolffe, you did not.” I wasn’t trying to sound dismissive, I was just surprised.  
  
“At the end of the war, I thought I would die, so I just made sure I had no chip, so that I wouldn’t die hurting General Plo. But then I didn’t die, the one thing I knew was that I had to get to you. I thought I’d die finding you. But I didn’t. Then the one thing I knew was that I had to keep you alive. That’s what has been keeping me going here Rex, that has been my purpose. I didn’t care what happened to me, but you deserve to live. I have just been waiting for you to get around to it. I always thought you’d do your things eventually. Find a girl. Or decide to get a farm somewhere. I was worried Gregor and I were holding you back, but at least I could see you and make sure you were okay. I just thought, you can’t ever have the things you want if you get yourself killed, so I kept an eye on you. That’s why I’m here Rex, not because this is what I want. I’ve been living this life because I wanted to be sure you stayed alive. You are someone special, who is worth preserving. Just like Cut. We left him so that he wouldn’t be found out. And I stayed here with you so you wouldn’t do anything stupid. You’re making it all for nothing!”  
  
I was nearly dumbstruck. I had never heard Wolffe say seriously that he cared about anything before. I suddenly felt bad. “Wolffe, I…didn’t know. You never said. Well… maybe you saved me for this. I really think this is what I’m supposed to do. Besides, it’s Ahsoka.”  
  
“Ahsoka kept looking for you and I knew she’d get you killed and nothing would stop you from going to her. Look, I love Ahsoka. But she’s in much better shape to defend herself in a fight than we are. She has never provided the argument for happiness over purpose. I don’t know if I believe she wants what’s best for you. Rex, why this? You wanted more, I know you did. You were supposed to be the one, the guy who got the wife, the kids, the home, because you would do it perfectly like you did everything else. You would live for all those guys who couldn’t.”  
  
“I guess this is how I want to live, now. I dreamed of a different life once, but it didn’t work. Now, it’s just too late for me to have that. But I can still have a purpose. I can have an impact on what the future of the galaxy is. That matters too. If I give something of myself, or everything, so that people aren’t robbed of the chances we were, doesn’t that make it worth my sacrifice?”  
  
“I don’t care about those people.” He wiped his nose and thought for a moment, “I mean I do, but…why you? Why any of us? We gave enough.”  
  
“I know, no one is disputing that. No one is making you do anything. You were a brave soldier and a loyal friend. Always.” I sighed. “So why don’t you go try to find a personal life?”  
  
“Because I still have to take care of Gregor. You’re not gonna do it.” His barb landed where it was supposed to. I was the healthiest of us. Gregor had severe brain injuries and was not able to survive by himself. I was leaving Wolffe holding the bag. We hadn’t known Gregor well, he’d been one of Cody’s guys from the 212th who was lost before I’d even left the academy. When he appeared one day after the war, Wolffe, Cut’s family, and I cared for him, mess that he was. He didn’t have a malicious bone in his body and we’d grown to love him. But he was hard work sometimes. He’d ask the same questions eighty times a day and often had trouble remembering where he was, or why he should do things like bathe.  
  
Wolffe pointed at the small group of rebels. They were still waiting for me and looking increasingly awkward. “And who are these people? We don’t know them. How can you trust them to take care of you? They’ll use you like enbees always do. The guy made it abundantly clear that he thinks clones are as shit as everyone else does. They’re not our people!” Wolffe didn’t really hate natural borns. But we had all suffered the discrimination and open hostility that the galaxy’s citizens had for us, both before and after the war.  
  
Truthfully, I didn’t know them. The ladies were somewhat chilly in their reception. The kid and the Lasat were alright. But the Jedi openly hated us, just as I’d always feared surviving Jedi would.  
  
Gregor, Wolffe, and I hadn’t participated in Order 66. I had removed my chip as soon as I knew their purpose. I would rather have died than killed Jedi or my brothers. But as far as Kanan was concerned, we clones were all stained with the same brush. I couldn’t blame him. To him, we were the murderers who had wiped out his people. After all, I still hated the forces that had destroyed my brothers, but at least I knew clearly who my enemy was.  
  
I didn’t know how to make Kanan see he was being unfair. I suppose it is hard to change someone’s mind. He didn’t know or believe, and I couldn’t prove, that my brothers were forced to do that against their wills. My brothers were innocent, but he only knew the trauma of what he had experienced firsthand. I didn’t know how to begin to heal that rift. I just knew I had to try. I was desperate to give my people a different story than the one that had been written for us. I needed to prove that we were as brave and loyal as we had always been, before we’d been made into monsters. I saw a chance for clone kind to be remembered for something good again. I was hoping Ahsoka could help. Whatever had happened, I knew she believed in me.  
  
“Ahsoka is our family,” I reminded him.  
  
“I know.” He traced a crack in the ground with his finger, “I’m sorry for what I said before.” He sniffed, “She probably knows what’s best for you better than I do. The Jedi were always wise. I don’t know how to be anything but a clone, and I’ve always been an idiot, even for a clone.”  
  
“I know you hate it here, Wolffe. Why don’t you let me ask them to drop you off somewhere else. You and Gregor can make a fresh start,” I offered.  
  
Wolffe looked off across the barren ground. The wind was quiet at the moment, so I could hear the whirr of the tiny gears in his prosthetic eye. He’d always darted his eyes, even before the prosthesis was put in. When he did that, you could practically hear the gears in his mind turning. He was nervous about something. Finally, he hung his head and took a deep breath. “I’m not really mad at you Rex.”  
  
I waited him out. He was trying to admit something and I didn’t want to seem too angry. He was ashamed enough of himself after sending for the Imperials.  
  
He gulped and began, “I tried to go once. I even brought a transport ticket. I had a note that I left under the blanket of my bed, that I figured you’d find eventually. Just to say I thought you were safe and that I needed a little break. It was the week we got into that fight, remember?”  
  
I swallowed, “Yeah.” That week, Gregor had taken to violet outbursts, especially biting. To get back at Wolffe one day, he had trashed his meager living space. When Gregor was violent like that, we both had to restrain him to make him stop it. Gregor was being unpredictable and we were all on edge. Wolffe and I had fought about something stupid, but it had escalated into a horrible shouting match, while Gregor just sat on the floor and plugged his ears with his fingers. We didn’t speak for days, which, confined on an AT-TE, can be tense.  
  
“But then I got ready to go. I went to the town and there were all these strange people and all this noise and motion. And it was all of a sudden like I had an inhibitor chip still in telling me I am not allowed to leave the surface of this stupid planet. Something just stopped me. You’re right, I am afraid. But not of the Empire. I’m too afraid of going out there again. How would I take care of myself? I get these flashbacks so bad I can’t breathe. I’d be in no condition to take Gregor with me. He’s too confused and disoriented on a good day. I’d probably lose him. I just feel safer staying here, because it’s all I can do.” He wiped his eyes with his hand awkwardly.  
  
I had been right. This was as unpleasant as combat conditioning. I felt absolutely terrible.  
  
“Maybe if you come with me…”  
  
“No. This is what it is. You are going because that’s what you want to do. I won’t let you stay and resent us.” He crossed his arms again.  
  
“Then what do you want? How can I make this better?” I was almost pleading.  
  
“You can’t. Some things you just can’t. I just want you to realize that what you do doesn’t just affect you. Your decisions aren’t just about living your life the way you want. What you do has consequences beyond you. We all make sacrifices, Rex. That’s why I’m here. Now you chose to go. It better be worth it. Worth not just your sacrifice, but mine, and Gregor’s. I have always trusted you to know what’s best because I believe in you.”  
  
I nodded, but he didn’t look at me.  
  
I tried a different tack, “Listen, if I see anyone, you know, any other brothers, or people who need a safe place to stay, I’ll know I can count on you to take care of them for me. You could be like, a safe house for the rebellion.”  
  
He frowned, “I don’t know if I want to take on people I don’t know.”  
  
“If I vouch for them, they are important to me. Therefore, they’re ours.”  
  
He sighed and sniffed. “Okay.” He nodded. “I think I could handle that.” Clearly he felt better knowing he might have a purpose. I wasn’t sure what the Rebellion’s organization was, but Wolffe and I both knew that when traveling around the galaxy, one tended to meet people who needed help. It was something I knew he could do. He may not have wanted his own children, but there were always people who needed to be taken care of. During the war, the galaxy’s poorest and most desperate citizens constantly benefitted from his kindness, but he rarely took any credit. If he did, it was only because he was bragging about some scheme of his had amused him. He had always cared about the weak and vulnerable, no matter what he had seen himself in those people, since he’d always been the underdog.  
  
“So, where are you going to live? Will you settle in one of the villages?” I asked. Seelos was sparsely populated, but there were uncharted settlements here and there. We had made the rounds to them over the years.  
  
He sniffed a last time and recovered. “Oh hell no. I have ideas. According to the Imperial laws of salvage, this intact walker is mine. Well...technically, it’s ours. But you won’t be needing it, so I figure Gregor and I can fix it up to be more comfortable.”  
  
Gregor walked up, so we stood and turned to greet him, wiping our faces to recover some semblance of masculinity. “Wolffe, I need a sharp blade to scrape the stickers off the walls of the AT-TE and Rex took all the knives.”  
  
Wolffe handed Gregor his slim bladed fileting knife, “Oh yeah, I have to have my 79’s logo. Hey, be careful with the green Twi’lek one, that’s my favorite.”  
  
“Okay. Hey, can we go back and get Big Bongo, the storm has passed.” Gregor checked the sharpness of the knife and cut his thumb.  
  
“Gregor, it’ll be all covered in sand, I’m sure it’s no good.” Wolffe grabbed Gregor’s hand and wrapped it tightly in a tissue be produced from his pocket.  
  
“I want it!” Gregor snatched his hand away.  
  
“Fine. But no guarantees we’ll find it.” He looked at me and rolled his eyes, “You see what you’re leaving me with?”  
  
Wolffe didn’t expect it when I hugged him. Clones don’t hug much. Sometimes we do the one where we slap the guy on the back. But this was not that. It was a genuine hug, without any male self-consciousness.  
  
I didn’t expect it when he sobbed big sloppy tears on my shoulder. I patted Wolffe’s back and waited, glancing over at the Jedi. Kanan rolled his eyes. Sorry as I was for what he’d been through, his judgement kind of annoyed me. I wondered privately if Kanan was really the kind of guy Ahsoka would have been friends with if there were still ten thousand Jedi in the galaxy, or whether she was just stuck with him because they were the only ones left.  
  
He could think what he wanted, I wasn’t ashamed. While Gregor had turned up unexpectedly, Wolffe was one of only two brothers I had trusted enough to tell about the control chips and to ask them to remove them. The stakes were too high and what I knew was too volatile to tell anyone else. Only Wolffe had believed me. He was my brother and I loved him. He could cry on my shoulder for as long as he needed to.  
  
Ezra shot me an ‘aw’ expression.  
  
Eventually, Wolffe tapped out, slapping me on the back, to which I responded in kind. He put his forehead on mine briefly and then wiped his face. He looked sidelong at the group of rebels waiting by the ship. “You better get going. Sweatery McPonytail over there looks like he’s about to bust a vein in his head. But if you ever need to send that pilot over there to a safe house, you know where I am.”  
  
“Right.” I looked over at her, but she didn’t seem to have heard.  
  
He slapped me on the back conspiratorially and murmured, “I’m serious, you know green’s my favorite.”  
  
“I may have heard you say something like that once or twice.” I shook my head, “I’ll keep my eyes open if I see any more green Twi’leks running around, I’ll suggest they visit.”  
  
Wolffe’s eyes were still ringed with red, but otherwise he looked normal. I trusted in his ability to find a reason to live. If only to keep himself amused. He always seemed to find ways. “I won’t hold my breath,” he shrugged. “I don’t exactly have a lot to offer a lady these days.”  
  
Tears stood in my eyes as barked out half a laugh, “You never did.”  
  
We started walking back towards the remains of our home. He turned to me, “I’ll send song requests into the Voice of the Outer Rim broadcasts. Just so you know we’re still here and doing okay.”  
  
I nodded. It seemed an easy system, like an all-clear beacon. “We’ll do the same.”  
  
“Oh yeah, tell Ahsoka, make sure she knows, no hard feelings, okay? I mean, the last time I saw her, I shot her. But in my defense, she looked really really guilty.” Wolffe was referencing the night we arrested Ahsoka for murder and treason. Some of our brothers had been killed in a terrorist bombing at the Jedi Temple and Ahsoka had been framed for the crime.  
  
“I’m sure she knows, but I’ll tell her anyway. Are we okay?”  
  
He sniffed and looked sidelong again, this time at Gregor, “Yeah. I guess. I just needed to vent. I’m just mad at everything, how everything turned out for us. It was so unfair and it just keeps being unfair. It’s like old Cody said, the only options are eat shit or die.”  
  
“You know I don’t believe that. I’m still a soldier, Wolffe, and so are you. Our fight will have been worth something when people have more than bad options. The Republic didn’t live up to our mission, but we did, in whatever way we were able, and we always will, because it is who we are.”  
  
Wolffe looked up suddenly, “Gregor, put the stuff in a pack before you climb into that thing! You can’t go up a ladder with one arm. Never mind, come hug Rex goodbye.”  
  
Gregor dropped his bundle of clothes on the ground and let go of the walker’s ladder, “Where is he going?”  
  
“I don’t know.” Wolffe was a little tense.  
  
Gregor was unabashed, “Can you give the Twi’lek pilot my com signature?”  
  
“I already called dibs.” Wolffe elbowed Gregor.  
  
I hugged Gregor, “Goodbye, brother. I’ll miss you.”  
  
“I’ll miss you, too, Rex.” Gregor turned to Wolffe “Because we share the same com signature, so she would have to call both of us.”  
  
Wolffe hugged both of us at once. We backed out after a few seconds.  
  
“Stay alive,” Wolffe told me.  
  
“You too, brother.” I clapped his shoulder.  
  
He banged his knuckle against the walker’s leg. “Eh, it’s not the worst life, I guess.”  
  
Gregor had already walked over to the Twi’lek pilot, “Hello, M’lady. I’m Gregor. I own property,” he waved a hand at the Imperial walker.  
  
“I’d better go before this gets any worse.” I shook my head.  
  
“Yeah…” Wolffe went over and slapped Gregor on the back, “Come on Gregor, I’ll help you get your things moved.”  
  
“Okay. Nice meeting you all.” Gregor waved at the group.  
  
I grabbed my pack from where I’d left it on the ground, walked with the crew to the rebel ship, and, ascended the ramp with the others. I waved one last time as the ramp closed. I sat down on a crate and heaved a sigh of relief. The unpleasantness was over. I expected to feel free, but instead I felt a burden.  
  
I took out my helmet and played with it for a minute or two. I looked around, no one there. I put my head against the visor, reminding myself of the mission in my mind. Make it count. Make it matter. Others have sacrificed so that you could live.  
  
It was good to know that even though I might never see it again, I had achieved something I had wanted in life. I was not a man of property, everything I owned still fit into one backpack. But if I ever needed it, I had a home.


End file.
